Fifty, the New Twenty-Five

You ever think 50 could be the new 25?  Some days I wonder.

No, I am not wishing my life away.  Just hear me out.

Apartment hunt – No longer necessary. I seriously better have my life together, or at least a secure place to live by 50.

Exercise – Running a 5k at 50 means you are hardcore.  Running a 5k at 25 means you haven’t even come close to burning off the after work binge.

Girls – At 50 you watch in a state of utter shock and disbelief.  At 25, you wonder just how they have captured your life story so accurately.

Glasses – You no longer have to pretend to need them to make yourself look smarter.  Or hotter… whatever you so choose.

Facebook – you can like anything you desire on the book and make completely asinine comments. Everyone will just laugh at you; instead of thinking you are a complete moron.

Spring Break – A trip to Mexico, with no parent asking for a detailed itinerary before you leave. Oh and when you return… you ask your child to apply aloe on your sun burnt back.  #lecturefreeliving

DD – Sunday afternoons require a designated driver because you are retired.  Therefore you no longer need to worry about which day you decide to take full advantage of happy hour.  Then again, you probably don’t even need to worry when about happy hour is, because you have a solid income.

Shaving your legs – They say your leg hairs quit growing.  I am not sure if that is a legit trade, considering 50 year olds probably spend that extra time bleaching their upper lip and plucking chin hairs.

Date auction – You are now the organizer, not the attendee.  Prime people watching and eavesdropping experience.

No, I don’t want to be 50 anytime soon.  Life is legit as it is, but 50 deals too.  Yes, the birthday cake might be a fire hazard, but at least at 50 you can eat a piece of cake and not have to worry if people will wonder whether or not you are pregnant.

Share with the fifty-somethings in your life.  I am certain they will say this twenty-something, “doesn’t know a thing.”  I am also sure they will ask, “Why is she posting this for all the world to read?”

Happy Sunday with a no work Monday.


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